Health, lifestyle

The First Time I Ever Gave Life. 

I was always taught to share. 

At a young age,  I learned that there was a reckless imbalance in the world; with excess here and scarce there, hence it was very important to share whatever one had in excess with those who had in scarce. 

So I walked through the doors of the hospital , determined to end my procrastination and finally practice what had been preached to me.

I headed straight to the woman behind a desk. She had a warm smile, chirpy voice and a head full of grey. 

I explained to her why I was there and her smile grew even warmer exposing a gap tooth. 

“Is this your first time? “She asked. I nodded, smiling for the first time that day. There was something about her. 
She reminded me of a teddy bear. Teddy bears are safe. She was safe. 

She settled down to the business of taking my blood pressure and talking about her son. But our chit chat was cut short when my blood pressure registered normal and I had to go in for the first set of tests. This time around, with a young nervous nurse. 

She took a quick, small, painless sample of my blood and nodded in satisfaction when the blood immediately sank to the bottom of the bluish fluid she had dropped it in. There was something about her. 

She reminded me of a cricket. Crickets are awkward. She was awkward. 

I must have passed that test because I was referred to an inner room for further test. The young male in an immaculate ward coat took another sample of blood and asked me in a rather soft voice “Is this your first time? “. I nodded, smiling for the second time that day. 

60 minutes of waiting in the reception went by and I must have passed the second test too because I was finally called in,  handed a blood bag and directed to an inner room. The setting for donors was quite comfortable; laid back chairs, a television set, an air conditioner… I was getting relaxed. 

Oh my God! Where did that needle come from? 

Remember the last time you had Soda? Remember the straw you used to drain the juicy content of the bottle? Now imagine that it was made of steel and it was boring into your left arm. 

I closed my eyes and gritted my teeth as the Sent-from-hell needle entered my flesh. Why was I doing this to myself?

 I remembered.

I was always taught to share. 

When I opened my eyes, there was a wooden ball in my hand and the nurse asked me to keep squeezing the ball to facilitate the outflow of blood. A human pumping machine. I closed my eyes and steadied my breathing determined to take it one squeeze at a time. 

When I opened my eyes again, there was a dark handsome stranger seated across the room. The veins on his left arm bulged temptingly as he squeezed his wooden ball like it was made of rubber. He smiled at me. I smiled back. How lucky can one girl be? 

Time passed slowly. I watched my Dark Knight fill up his bag with blood and leave the room with a bounce to his step. A nurse handled the filled bag with great care and put it away in what looked like a dwarf freezer. Meanwhile, I was only halfway through. If something was wrong with me, why didn’t they just tell me? Why did they let me go ahead with the donation? 

15 minutes later my bag was full, maybe a little too full. There was no nurse around. Somebody help! 

She came running towards me,  embarrassed for her negligence, yet scolding me for continuing to pump even when it was past the limit. How would I explain to her that I was lost in thought? That the pumping action of my hand was no longer voluntary but now reflex? I said nothing. 
She hurriedly took the bag to a sink and before my horrified eyes, began to drain the excess blood. 
I was learning fast. 

Life has so much value. And yet,  so little value. 

After I was cleaned up,  Cricket came over to me and said that she “can’t let me go” because I didn’t “look too good” and I should “rest for at least 30 minutes”

Why couldn’t I be like my Dark Knight? Why couldn’t I walk out of here with a bounce to my step? Why did I feel so exhausted? George Orwell was right. 

All animals are equal. But some are more equal than the others. 

I made it home that day,  armed with my souvenir from the blood bank and a plaster on my left arm. I peeped into the bag; a bottle of water,  a bottle of malt drink,  a jotter and a donor card. How generous! I drank the two bottles in 2 minutes  and reached for the jotter. Above the over-edited picture of a happy family, it was written 


I opened the first page,  grabbed a pen and began to scribble in barely legible handwriting 
I was always taught to share… 

Have you ever donated blood? Tell me your experience in the comments below. Xoxo


The Three Social Stages Of Being Drunk. 

Alcohol does great things. Terrible?  Yes. But great things regardless. Or what else would you call the woman who called the police to report herself for drunk driving? As proof of her greatness,  she even made it to the New York Daily News! We all have experience with drunkenness, either by getting ourselves intoxicated or watching someone else slip into that world of poor motor functions and bad decisions. 

But drunkenness doesn’t just hit you like a truck,  it comes in stages and it is important to note that there is a difference between the physiological stages and social stages of being drunk.

The physiological stages involve how alcohol gradually impairs the functions of the different lobes of the brain. It takes into consideration a person’s Blood alcohol content (BAC), BMI and rate of metabolism. 

The social stages on the other hand are concerned with just one thing. How alcohol affects your social interactions. Hence it is a more general description. 

Enough said, let’s get down to business. 

1.   M  ind Fucked. 

Like a baby sucking on his fingers,  we all went through this phase but eventually outgrew it. 

It is a social situation where a person acts in ways different from his/her normal after taking either a quantity of alcohol not enough to induce such reaction, or a non alcoholic beverage under the pretense of alcohol. 

For people who  go through this sorry stage,  it is either
1. They become over dramatic and do things they shouldn’t under the excuse of being drunk. 


2. They want to be drunk so bad,  they force their brain into accepting this reality. 

Either ways,  we think they’re drunk but they’re only mind fucked. Pray for them. 

2.  A nimated

For the people who have outgrown mind fuckery, this is the stage they find themselves in. My friend calls it the “talk too much drunk “.

It is a social situation where a person becomes elated, over expressive and talkative after consuming a reasonable amount of alcohol. 

At this point,  the person begins to talk loudly, employs exaggerated mannerisms and takes an unlikely interest in subjects like politics and Bollywood.  For a person in this stage, the world is a better place. Everyone is prettier, the table cloth suddenly becomes intriguing and even the ugly guy across is starting to ooze sex appeal (doesn’t matter if you’re a guy too. Alcohol is not a respecter of sexual preference .

Then the person begins to lose grasp of things. Literally. Your glass suddenly becomes slippery, the door handle becomes difficult to grab and putting your key in the key hole …well,  you might as well climb a mountain. 

3. D ead drunk. 

This is such a memorable stage because once you’ve experienced it, you have a funny story to tell everywhere you go! 

This is a social situation where a person becomes dependent after consuming a large amount of alcohol. 

At this point, everyone around the person  becomes a baby sitter. The people that get to this stage are those who have to be taken home and nurtured. They throw up,  pee on themselves, fall down while walking and even report themselves. They become a danger to themselves. 

PS: Ensure they don’t lie face up to avoid them choking on their own vomit.

People say you don’t need alcohol to have fun. True. You also don’t need running shoes to run, but it helps! 

But be careful not to go through all three social stages of M ind fuckery, A nimation and D ead drunkenness because then it would be safe to say that Alcohol has made you MAD. 

Be safe. Xoxo
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